Nicer.

Mom: Justin, I want you to be nicer to your sister.
Justin: But I don't like her.
Mom: Be the bigger person.
Justin: Well since she is pregnant all the time, I just don't see how that's possible.
Mom: True...but still be nicer.
Justin: But I still don't like her.
Mom: I'm not asking you to like her, I am asking you to be nicer.
Justin: So you want me to lie?
Mom: Yes.
Justin: Fine...I'll go let her out of the garage.
Mom: Why is she in the garage?
Justin: I locked her in there about 20 minutes ago.
Mom: Is that what all that banging is? I thought she was just crushing cans.
Justin: Maybe she is to pass the time.
Mom: Well as long as she is occupied can you help me put these groceries away?

Church Camp

Mom: Remember when I sent you to church camp for the weekend and you were so mad at me.
Justin: Yes.
Mom: And I wrote you that letter saying not to hate me for it.
Justin: Mom, I actually had fun on that trip.
Mom: You did?
Justin: Yeah I slept with one of the youth leaders.
Bobi: WHAT!?!
Justin: oh shit Bobi, I forgot you were here.
Bobi: YOU ARE GOING STRAIGHT TO HELL!
Justin: I'll save you a seat you judgmental bitch.