Mom: Justin...get up.
Justin: Just leave me here to die.
Mom: I am not leaving you in the parking lot of Hy-Vee to die.
Justin: It's fine. It's sunny out. My hair is big so it's like a pillow for the concrete.
Mom: Justin...get up.
Justin: This is all your fault anyway. Who says "oh I'll come over and bring you some orange juice" but in actuality comes to your door drags you out of bed and takes you to the grocery store. You didn't bring me anything, you actually brought me to the orange juice. Which by the way if you had said "Justin would you like me to drag you out of bed and force you to grocery shop?" I would have respectfully declined.
Hy-Vee Worker: mam, would you like some help?
Justin: I'm the one on the ground here.
Hy-Vee Worker: Would you like some help?
Justin: Yes...can you go buy me some orange juice?
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Grocery Store Part 2: The Book of Dave
Mom: Well that was embarrassing.
Justin: What? I got to ride on his cart machine the whole way here. That's like royalty status.
Mom: Riding on a cart machine at the Hy-Vee after you laid in the parking lot for 10 minutes is like royalty?
Justin: Mom, this place is employee owned, you think Dave just does that for everybody? I don't think so.
Mom: Dave?
Justin: The cart pusher. Well actually he used to work in the bakery but it was to high pressure so he moved in to the wide open spaces of cart collection.
Mom: He told you all this?
Justin: Yep and he gave me a Ricola too. Jealous?
Mom: Just go get the orange juice, I'll get the rest.
Justin: Ok, I'm going to find Dave first and see if he can hook me up with one of those rascal carts.
Justin: What? I got to ride on his cart machine the whole way here. That's like royalty status.
Mom: Riding on a cart machine at the Hy-Vee after you laid in the parking lot for 10 minutes is like royalty?
Justin: Mom, this place is employee owned, you think Dave just does that for everybody? I don't think so.
Mom: Dave?
Justin: The cart pusher. Well actually he used to work in the bakery but it was to high pressure so he moved in to the wide open spaces of cart collection.
Mom: He told you all this?
Justin: Yep and he gave me a Ricola too. Jealous?
Mom: Just go get the orange juice, I'll get the rest.
Justin: Ok, I'm going to find Dave first and see if he can hook me up with one of those rascal carts.
Grocery Store Part 3: The End Of Days
Justin: Mom! What the hell is taking you so long?
Mom: Well this women with her ten thousand children is just standing in front of the tea.
Justin: This bitch?
Mom: Oh Jesus.
Justin: HEY! (yelling at the woman with ten thousand children)
Mom: Wait...why did she just grab up her children and run? All you said was hey.
Justin: oh I ran into her about 10 minutes ago over at the orange juice.
Mom: And?
Justin: I told her I was going to eat her babies if she didn't get out of the way.
Mom: Well your nothing if not...effective.
Justin: Damn right.
Mom: Well this women with her ten thousand children is just standing in front of the tea.
Justin: This bitch?
Mom: Oh Jesus.
Justin: HEY! (yelling at the woman with ten thousand children)
Mom: Wait...why did she just grab up her children and run? All you said was hey.
Justin: oh I ran into her about 10 minutes ago over at the orange juice.
Mom: And?
Justin: I told her I was going to eat her babies if she didn't get out of the way.
Mom: Well your nothing if not...effective.
Justin: Damn right.
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